Saturday, September 24, 2011

His Secret Work

If you read this blog, you know that this is a joyful and also painful time for me and my family. This is normal for human life. In pictures everyone smiles. And for us this is not false, because the life we have been given is good. But it is not easy, and we have struggles. I have spoken of my struggles, and they continue to persist. At the same time, these are days of surprising joys, and of circumstances that speak clearly of the real, concrete presence of Christ in my life. It is an exhilarating, but also arduous and confusing time for my soul.

I know that what I’m going through now really is for my good, and that God is doing His secret work and building me as a person. I don’t see what He is doing inside me. I see only pain and weakness, and how easily I break, how terribly fragile I am no matter how strong my words may sound. I see how full of vanity I am, how much I long for approval, how superficial my affections are, how everything in me falls short of what I have seen, what I believe, what is drawing my heart.

But I look outside myself and I find that life has more meaning, God is more at the center of things, others are more beautiful and precious and it is more evident that they are made for God. That means something is growing in my life.

3 comments:

Allison said...

Hang in there. I like your perspective; it, and God's lovingkindness, will see you through the darker moments of the soul.

Daria Sockey said...

I like that you don't lose sight of that pinprick of light no matter how dark it gets. You know that scene in LOTR where that tiny star is glimpsed through the murk in Mordor? And that glimpse is enough to keep Sam and Frodo going.

John Janaro said...

Yes. But there is more than a little light in these days. There are beautiful and difficult things. Even the beautiful things can cause a kind of pain, as I say in today's blog. Even in our joys, there will always be sorrow until we are with Him.