Monday, October 6, 2014

How to Keep from Losing Heart and Giving Up


When I woke up this morning, I felt ready for the day – ready to accomplish all sorts of things. After one fix-it project, however, I was pooped and hurting. Back to bed.

I'm still having a tough time of it. And I wonder if I am losing heart.

It's in moments like these that Jesus asks me, “Do you believe in Me? Do you trust in Me? Do you love Me?”

I know that here my own particular wacky circumstances intersect with the drama of every person’s life. We all have this place where we suffer, where we face our own inadequacy, where we discover the smallness of our hearts and the pettiness of all our deeds.

And it is here that Jesus asks each one of us, in the most penetrating and poignant way, to believe in Him, to trust Him.

I do believe that He loves me, whatever darkness may surround me.

Why do I fail to entrust everything to this Great Lover? Why am I afraid? What more could He possibly do to deserve my trust?
Jesus, I entrust to You what seems so often to me to be such a complicated business, namely the abandonment of myself to You, the giving of everything over to You, the surrender of everything to You...even my weakness.
Jesus, I entrust "my-entrusting-of-myself-to-You" TO YOU!
That's an awkward way of putting it. But I'm sure He knows what I mean.

I will not give up. Even if I am broken, God is still God, and still Glorious – even more clearly so, for He shares in my brokenness. Here, more than anywhere, it is clear that He is worthy of all my love. He has proven Himself. Thus, in every circumstance – even in the face of the prospect that I have nothing to give, that I am worthless, that all my aspirations in life may end in failure – the only reasonable possibility for me is to love God.

So even if I am nothing, I still want to love Him. I beg that I might be able to love Him.

From nothing, God creates, God brings forth life. Jesus I trust in You. Convert me. Conquer me. Recreate me in Your merciful love. Give me a new heart.

3 comments:

Maureen Trz said...

Very nice reflection. Thanks.

John M said...

As I read your reflection, I see the book on my shelf by a former nun who spent years seeking Him only to decide that the Mystery simply is and can't be experienced. This book was given to me by my brother who was a youth group kid in high school and has fallen away and remained so despite prolonged suffering.
In other words, is the question "what more can God do" rhetorical, or do you mean it? Because I could list a hundred things off the top of my head. I accept that God's ways are not my ways, but I have to entrust my entrusting because nothing heals the wounds of friends and family and whole cultures fallen away and God's apparent silence. Among other grievances.

Allison said...

been playing this Matt Maher song a lot on my iphone..May it comfort you too!
"You are not alone if you are lonely
When you feel afraid, you're not the only
We are all the same, in need of mercy
To be forgiven and be free
It's all you got to lean on but thank God it's all you need
...Rich or poor it doesn't matter
Weak or strong, you know love is what we're after
We're all broken but we're all in this together
God knows we stumble and fall
And He so loved the world He sent His son to save us all "