Saturday, October 18, 2025

In Memory of a Friend

He didn't seem like he was depressed and was always smiling. This is shocking” (Anon).


A bright autumn day
colors
crisp
sunlight flashing on the windows.
A clear day, blue with painted hues of leaf.

I stood strong and tall
in the breezy wind
and felt life once again
like great power
from my head flowing down through me.

With large strides
I passed over the fields
drinking fountains of expansive air.

And with the red sun playing on my head,
I burst through the door
but her face was bloodless white.
I stopped, and suddenly
the October air froze on my skin.

She searched my face
with a gaze of shiny wet cheeks
and spoke your name,
and this single word
had a weight
that said everything.

Fire arose in my bones
and spread all over me
until it found my eyes.

And the sun flickered in the shadows.

              --in memoriam, jp, +october 17, 2005
.

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Friday marked the twentieth anniversary of the death of a dear friend, a close friend of our family — in fact, my parents’ godson. I remember when he was born, and I remember standing next to my parents in front of the baptismal font (I was only a little taller than the font at the time).

This poem was written some years ago, but I am presenting it again here. My friend, whom I loved like a brother, suffered from crippling depression for several years before his tragic death by suicide. My wife answered the call the next morning, and broke the news to me after I returned from a brisk Autumn outing.

Twenty years is a long time ago. Much has changed. His godparents have joined him in death — in that final passage through the purifying mercy of the Heart of Jesus into eternal beatifying communion with the Trinity.

There is some consolation in the expectation and hope that my parents are with him. I pray for them all, and I grieve for them, begging God to heal all our wounds.

Lord, embrace us all in the unfathomable abyss of your mercy.