Friday, February 23, 2024

Jesus, Only You Can Work This Miracle in Me

There are peculiar problems that can arise for people with my type of mental illness to make a “healthy” (and realistic) examination of conscience, but we must find ways nevertheless (if necessary with help from others who can be trusted). We are no less sinners than anyone else, and we must repent, be converted, deny our egotistical self-centeredness, and open our hearts to the working of the Holy Spirit.

It is thus possible for me to examine my daily life, to gaze reasonably on my actions, to recall this, and that, and this, and that, and all the fruits of my negligence and entrenched habits. It is with sorrow that I see—in all my circumstances—selfishness, grasping, and pride nipping away at so many earnest and good aspirations and efforts, and defining so many others.

Yet Jesus and His mercy are here, and so I’m not beating up on myself (as I’m so often tempted to do). I repent, and place before God my "desire for the desire" to recognize Him and love Him well, and to offer everything... even the pride.

Take me, Jesus, in all this mess; love me especially in those places in my heart where I don't even know I need You.

"God resists the proud" — I know this is true, Jesus, but I'm begging You to take me with all my pride because I don't know what to do with it. Make me humble and true. It will take a miracle, but I come to You as the blind man did, begging You to give me my sight, with faith that You—and only You—can work this miracle in me. And I also know that even with my repeated forgetfulness and failure, the miracle is still happening. Jesus I trust in You.