Wednesday, February 3, 2021

He Knows “Me” Through and Through

Not my thoughts, but Your thoughts; not my will, but Your will be done

But why?

His will is unfailing truth and goodness, because He is Wisdom and Love. He knows "me," infinitely better than I know myself; He creates "me" and He is my destiny. And He is the Infinite One, who is all good and worthy of all my love.

What do I know of all this, really, profoundly, beyond all the words and ideas I think I have mastered? 

Very little, and that is so easily obscured or forgotten through most of my days. I know that everything exists for His glory, and that He is here for me, He loves me, He is faithful to His promises. I have seen enough in my life to know that I should trust Him. He convinces me, occasionally by great and clear events but most often by obscure signs; whatever the case, His grace strengthens my adherence, my hope that hangs onto Him, and it enkindles love for Him who is Goodness itself.

Most of the time, however, I am absorbed in my own plans, my ideas, or my emotions. I'm distracted. Still, He draws my attention to His loving presence, and He enables me to remember that He is the meaning of my life. I "rediscover" my need to pray for the grace to be more focused on Him.

My life is in God's hands. What do I know by virtue of my own understanding regarding the future: the future of a 58 year old man in the 21st Century? Will there be some joys, some shocks, some achievements, some pain? Probably. Perhaps. In what proportion? I don't know. 

What about death? Definitely

But when? And what happens, experientially, in that moment? Will I die slowly or quickly? Today, or in thirty years? Am I "ready"? Come Lord Jesus! Father, deliver me from the evil one! Mother Mary, pray for me in that hour... Then there is the judgment by the just Judge who is also Mercy, whom I hope to adhere to without wavering through what remains of my life and through death, united with Jesus who died for me - indeed who made my death His own, somehow.... through this mystery of His salvific love.

I don't "know" much about these things, beyond what I need to know in order to stay with Him, to take the next step in faith and trust (when I'm paying attention). But He knows. He knows everything. He knows me, entirely, exhaustively, with implacable, immeasurable love.

What should I do? Obey Him. Follow Him. Trust in Him. Not simply because I'm "terrified" of being without Him. For all the incoherence of my "decidedly-not-holy" life, I want to be with Him because He is "what-it's-all-about." Everything, including me, has been created for His glory. He is the source of all meaning and goodness. Moreover, He has made me a person. He generates the personal depths, the freedom and the responsibility, the "heart" that constitutes the uniqueness of who I am. He alone knows who I really am, through and through.

I am relationship-to-Him (as is every person). He makes me in His image. 

And He is Absolute Love. He is my Father.